Did you know…

that today is Birthmothers Day?  18 months ago I had never heard of this special day but now that adoption is such a part of our lives I can feel it really tugging at my heart. 

I’ve spent a lot of time lately thinking about the mother who gave birth to Beaux.  I wonder how old she is/was?  What does she look like?  Does she share the same big coconut eyes that Beaux has?  I also think about the circumstances that led my little brown eyed boy to his current living situation… Maybe she already had 7 little mouths to feed and another one was just too much to provide for?  Maybe she was injured or killed in the earthquake? Maybe she died from disease? ….Maybe?

I used to be so scared at the thought of having a relationship with Beaux’s birth mom.  I thought about it being awkward and uncomfortable…(thinking it’s all about me).   But the further along we get in this adoption process the more I wish I could meet her. I would love to tell her THANK YOU for giving life to such an awesome little guy.  I would tell her how much joy he brings to our life even though we don’t even have him home with us yet.  I would sit down, with her hand in mine, and listen to her story of desperation and sorrow and cry right along side of her.  I would tell her she is the bravest woman I know.  And I would tell her how much God loves her.

I’ll probably never meet my boy’s birth mom this side of heaven, but I pray that God will send her a sign to let her know that her boy is safe and loved more than these two older parents knew they could love.

I saw this in Facebook this morning…

and I just had to share….

“When you say YES to adoption, you are saying YES to enter the suffering of the orphan, and that suffering includes WAITING FOR YOU TO GET TO THEM. I promise you, their suffering is worse than yours. We say YES to the tears, YES to the longing, YES to the maddening process, YES to the money, YES to hope, YES to the screaming frustration of it all, YES to going the distance through every unforeseen discouragement and delay. Do not imagine that something outside of “your perfect plan” means you heard God wrong. There is NO perfect adoption. EVERY adoption has snags. We Americans invented the “show me a sign” or “this is a sign” or “this must mean God is closing a door” or “God must not be in this because it is hard,” but all that is garbage. You know what’s hard? Being an orphan. They need us to be champions and heroes for them, fighting like hell to get them home. So we will. We may cry and rage and scream and wail in the process, but get them home we will.” –Jen Hatmaker

I love that Jen Hatmaker
I’m fighting to get my little guy home.

Happy 3rd Birthday, Beaux Morino!

My attempt at making a Haitian meal. It wasn’t too bad.:)

So yesterday was Beaux’s birthday and we celebrated today…without him 😦 I made a haitian style meal like we have at the guest house when we visit. I think I did pretty good and everyone seemed to enjoy it. Then I made a chocolate sheet cake which is a “Green Family” tradition and everyone loves it. I know Beaux is gonna love it too. Lillie blew out the candles and after eating more than one peice of cake we all watched Lillie and Judah opened Beaux’s gifts for him. Even though it was fun there was a sadness because he wasn’t here with us. Joey and I got choked up a few times and my girls teared up more than once. I pray everyday that Beaux not have to spend his 4th birthday away from his family.

What I Learnt

I don’t think learnt is actually a word. But it should be. This is what I have learnt in the last 2 weeks:

1. Beaux Morino is precious.

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Of course I already knew this but I learnt it on a deeper level on our trip to Haiti earlier this month. He is just precious and I love him with all my heart. I love each of my kiddos in different ways and Beaux is no exception. He is smart, kind, and compassionate. You might wonder how I could know that being that we don’t speak the same language. But he has shown me each of those characteristics each time we have visited him. So, yeah, he’s pretty great. J Beaux is also all boy. He loves to kick balls, and stomp on bugs, and get dirty. He reminds me a lot of my other son, Adam. I’m so looking forward to the day when my two boys can meet each other.

2. Sometimes ministry looks like this.

I learnt that sometimes being the hands and feet of Jesus means you get the chance to have a visitor stay at your house for a week. He’s adorable and has really settled in with us. He loves playing with my doggie kiddos although I don’t think they understand the kind of ministry they are supposed to be doing. They are not being hospitable at all. I think they are stuck up…

or too old….

no, they’re stuck up.

3. Our timing is not God’s timing.

The last time I posted I was grumpy and confused…sorry about it being such a downer. But, when you want to do something big and an organization gives you a deadline of Friday at 5:00 to get this something big, you tend to take them seriously. I know I’m talking in code, but I can’t reveal this big thing yet because it’s still in the works. We are collaborating with God on a big project (I love the thought of that). The deadline went by leaving us disappointed and confused. But this project has taken root in our hearts and our God is a big God and He knew that Friday @ 5:00 wasn’t the real deadline. So we are moving forward with anticipation of how this will all play out. I’m really, really hoping to make a big announcement by the end of the week. But I learnt God’s timing is not our timing so I might not be able to make a big announcement by the end of the week. It’s all in His hands. J

That’s what’s been going on in my world lately. What have you learnt this week?

Jesus Calling

This is what I read this morning in my favorite devotional, Jesus Calling. If you don’t have that book or app please get one for yourself . It’s really that amazing. Jesus Calling March 11 Walk by faith, not by sight. As you take steps of faith, depending on Me, I will show you how much I can do for you. If you live your life too safely, you will never know the thrill of seeing Me work through you. When I gave you My Spirit, I empowered you to live beyond your natural ability and strength. That’s why it is so wrong to measure your energy level against the challenges ahead of you. The issue is not your strength but Mine, which is limitless. By walking close to Me, you can accomplish My purposes in My strength. For we walk by faith, not by sight. -2 Corinthians 5:7 nkjv Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. -Galatians 5:25 This adoption journey we have been on for the last year has been all about faith. And we have learned to recognize God’s voice and let Him lead us on the path He has already prepared for us. At times it has been uncomfortable and other times we have experienced abounding joy. We are so very thankful to Him for setting us on this path. And we will continue to walk close with God no matter where He leads us in the future.

33 days

…until our next visit with Beaux  🙂  we sure do miss that little guy.  this whole adoption experience has been one surprise after another, starting with the idea that God had this little guy in our futures.  Beaux has become such an intimate part of our everyday even though he is physically over 1700 miles away from us.  we think about him, pray for him, hope he’s safe and happy. when we’re out and about we’re always looking for things…clothing, toys, even food (shhh, don’t tell Joey), that we think he might like.  he is such a part of us.  everyday. he is our child.  and we miss him so much. 

i have come to understand that haitian adoptions are a rollercoaster ride.  one day a new law is passed and you think “hallelujah” let’s get this process on the fast track.  then weeks go by and you realize (again) that in Haiti nothing is on the fast track.  it’s so hard for us to understand how the president of a country could have so many more important things to do than add his signature to a file that will give a child a forever family (this is our hold up right now…btw, the president has never withheld signing a dispensation, he just has to take the time to actually sit down and add his signature to the many files of children waiting, that’s it).   you can probably hear a little frustration in my tone.  yeah, i’m a little peeved at the process but this is the road we were led to.  and God knew how long adoptions take in haiti, and He keeps teaching us so much and opening our hearts to Him. I have come to understand, even though it is hard to admit, that right at this moment I’m not yet the mama beaux needs.  i have more to learn and God is refining me (us) and when we get that call that we have a VISA appointment in haiti it will be the right time. i trust God enough to know that (and there will be major celebrating here in tennessee).

so, until that call comes I keep searching and learning everything I can about God, and parenting, and the world, and life. and I keep counting down to our next visit.
33 more days….

My little Valentine

I work at a high school and have the privilege of sharing time with about 20 seniors as they help in the guidance office each day.  This year’s office aides are extra special to me.  They ask me about Beaux and how the adoption is going.  And they wonder if they will be in town when we get to bring him home, or if they will be away at college.  I hope the idea of adopting has been planted in their minds.  I hope sometime down the road they will consider adopting and think back to their senior year when crazy Ms. Davis talked all the time about her adorable little boy who was in Haiti waiting to come home to her.  One of my sweet girls, Kristen, painted this canvas and gave it to me this morning… on Valentine’s Day.  I absolutely love it and I gotta tell you, I AM quite smitten with my little Beaux.  He truly has stolen my heart.

Tree Up

We finally got our Christmas tree put up and decorated yesterday.  Usually, this is a tradition that we enjoy the day after Thanksgiving every year.  Usually, I want so badly to get that tree down from the attic and put it up as soon as I hear Jingle Bells playing in Hob Lob the day after Labor Day.  Usually, Joey has to put his foot down and demand that we enjoy Thanksgiving completely before moving on to the next event of the season.  But this year everything seems to be a little different.  I’m different.

I got this ornament yesterday at a crafts fair – it’s the outline of Haiti with a heart in the center.  I loved the tag that was on the ornament as much as the ornament itself, so I hung them both on the tree.  This pretty much sums up what I’m feeling lately.  I’m here…but my heart is in Haiti.  I feel like I’m missing a part of myself.  And I am.  Even though Beaux hasn’t officially been declared my son, I know in my heart that he is.  And I miss him.  And I wish he was here with us.

I have a friend I met online who is adopting an adorable little girl from the same orphanage we are.  They are at the very end of this “forever” process of adoption and will be leaving as soon as they get their visa appointment to go pick her up and bring her home in time for Christmas.  I’m so grateful she will be taking a little Christmas gift to Beaux for us.   It’s just a small little car and a card with a picture of us.  I managed to put together a couple of sentences in Creole.  Hopefully his nanny will be able to read it to him.  The card says:

Dearest Berlino,

You are precious.  We love you.

Mama Blanch & Papa Blanch

We love you, Beaux! 

How Our Adult Children Reacted to Our Adoption Choice

Last April, as we sat in our family room and told our adult children that we were adopting a little boy, their reactions were as varied as their personalities:

Our oldest child is Amie.  She’s 28 years old and has a beautiful nine-year old daughter, Lillie.  When we told Amie, she calmly thought about it and pondered how this would change the family.  She needs time to process things and decide what the impact will be.  But once she decided it would be awesome to have a new little brother she was all in!  And I mean ALL IN!  (She thinks she’s adopting Beaux too.)

Adam is our middle child and the only boy.  He’s 25 years old and married to Nikki.  When we first told them about adopting Nikki was immediately excited, and I so appreciated that.  Adam was quiet.  He asked why we would want to bring another child into our family when we finally have an empty nest (it’s a legitimate question).  Adam doesn’t like change.  He likes things to stay predictable and comfortable.  I thought he needed time to contemplate how this might affect him. I thought he might need to process issues related to family order…at the age of 25 will it still be upsetting to not be the only boy child?…(yeah, I really did think about that).  It’s not that he has been against us adopting…he’s just been quiet.  Then, last Sunday, as the whole family was gathered watching the football game in our family room, Adam asked us what “would happen to Beaux if we were killed in an accident.   Did we have a plan in case something happened?  He and Nikki had talked about it and would like to be Beaux’s guardians if anything ever happens to us.”  (Then Amie and Christian & Cedric chimed in that they want Beaux if anything ever happens to us and a little sibling fight ensued).  Yes, we have a plan,  just like we did when he and his sisters were little.  But, oh how that touched my heart.  Adam is quiet…but he’s always thinking and preparing.  I see his heart growing.  And right about the time we are able to bring Beaux home Adam will be ready to welcome him with his whole heart.

Christian is was our baby.  She’s 23, married to Cedric and has the most adorable 10 month old son, Judah.  Before we told Christian and Cedric we were going to adopt I pretty much knew what their reaction would be…YES…THAT’S AWESOME…I WANT A LITTLE BROTHER…CAN WE GO GET HIM RIGHT NOW!  Christian has always seemed to be able to see the good through the uncomfortable.  She didn’t have any reservations about not being the baby anymore or about us adopting a child of another race.  I love that about her.

Last Thursday I forwarded my girls the email I had gotten saying WE MADE IT into IBESR by the deadline and now had a number.  Both girls responded with “So Beaux is really ours?”   Yes, Beaux is ours.  He’s joining a big family.  When he comes home to us he will instantly have a mommy and daddy, 2 sisters, 1 brother, a sister-in-law, 1  brother-in-law (possibly 2 by then), a niece and a nephew.  Just typing that out helps me to understand how overwhelming this is going to be for him.  He’s joining a family that can’t wait to teach him how to wake board, and ride on four wheelers, and watch football, and swim, and play with the chickens and the dogs, and work in the garden, and play basketball, and do crafts, and sing and play the guitar.  He’s joining a family that can’t wait to share life with him.

Randomness

***It’s Orphan Sunday. 

*** It was a good week in our adoption process.  Our dossier was submitted into IBESR and we have a number….#20936…yay!  Our agency and the creche’ director worked very hard to get it in by the October 31st deadline, before some new adoption laws take effect.  As of 2:30 pm on that day, this still had not been accomplished.  But we got an email on Nov 1 telling us WE MADE IT!   The new law states that the agencies will no longer match children with adoptive parents, the government is taking that over.  So, hypothetically, if we had not met the deadline we may have not been able stay matched with Beaux.  I tried very hard not to think about the reality of this situation and felt like God still has control of this whole adoption thing and He would take care of it…and He did 🙂

***I just watched the Tennessee Titans lose so embarrassingly bad…51-20.        Ummmm, yeah.

***Did you notice I’m trying out another new spelling of our son’s name? Beaux  My daughter’s boyfriend mentioned it and I think I like it.  It’s different enough to be different, but not enough to be weird and make him feel uncomfortable.  What’s your opinion?  I did Google it to make sure it didn’t mean anything inappropriate (you never know) and it is actually a small town in the south of France….which I think is kind of cool.  So, we’re just trying it out for a week to see if we like it.  (All of these tough decisions give Joey and I lot’s to argue over discuss and … It helps to pass the long waiting time 🙂

***This has been the prettiest fall season I can ever remember.  Every morning, as I sit down to a wonderful breakfast that my husband has just prepared (yep, that’s right girls) I look out the window into our back yard and I admire the totally gorgeous autumn goodness that is still on the tress.  Usually by this time, here in Middle Tennessee, our leaves have already peaked and they are brown and dead, blowing around on the wet ground.  But this year it’s been mild, just the right amount of rain and it’s been wonderful.  I love that God was so creative and gave us the different seasons to enjoy.

***Yesterday I finished reading Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy…all 597 pages. Wow, it’s a fantastic book. I learned so much and I’m kind of sad it’s over. From one Goodreads reader:
“Yesterday, I finished reading “Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy” by Eric Metaxas.    Yesterday, I lost a friend who I won’t meet until eternity.”

That’s how I feel too…”Dietrich, I look forward to meeting you some day.”

***Since starting on this adoption journey 6 months ago I have been to every adoption website there is. Sometimes on these websites children with special needs are highlighted in hopes of finding the perfect parents who are able to take care of the various needs of that child. One little boy that I learned about early on was Manno. Joey and I actually had conversations about whether we could give Manno everything that he would need. We decided that we were not the right family for him. This afternoon I went to the Give1Save1Caribbean site to see who the new featured family of the week is and guess what? Manno has a mommy and 2 brothers who are waiting to bring him home. I’m overjoyed to find out that this adorable little boy has a family. Please go to Give1Save1Caribbean and donate a few bucks to help bring him home. Thanks!

***Tomorrow is election day…Yay!  I’m looking forward to all of this being over.  I hope you will make it a priority to Vote.

Well, that’s all of my randomness for now. Thanks for reading,
Laura