and I just had to share….
“When you say YES to adoption, you are saying YES to enter the suffering of the orphan, and that suffering includes WAITING FOR YOU TO GET TO THEM. I promise you, their suffering is worse than yours. We say YES to the tears, YES to the longing, YES to the maddening process, YES to the money, YES to hope, YES to the screaming frustration of it all, YES to going the distance through every unforeseen discouragement and delay. Do not imagine that something outside of “your perfect plan” means you heard God wrong. There is NO perfect adoption. EVERY adoption has snags. We Americans invented the “show me a sign” or “this is a sign” or “this must mean God is closing a door” or “God must not be in this because it is hard,” but all that is garbage. You know what’s hard? Being an orphan. They need us to be champions and heroes for them, fighting like hell to get them home. So we will. We may cry and rage and scream and wail in the process, but get them home we will.” –Jen Hatmaker
I love that Jen Hatmaker
I’m fighting to get my little guy home.
…until our next visit with Beaux 🙂 we sure do miss that little guy. this whole adoption experience has been one surprise after another, starting with the idea that God had this little guy in our futures. Beaux has become such an intimate part of our everyday even though he is physically over 1700 miles away from us. we think about him, pray for him, hope he’s safe and happy. when we’re out and about we’re always looking for things…clothing, toys, even food (shhh, don’t tell Joey), that we think he might like. he is such a part of us. everyday. he is our child. and we miss him so much.
i have come to understand that haitian adoptions are a rollercoaster ride. one day a new law is passed and you think “hallelujah” let’s get this process on the fast track. then weeks go by and you realize (again) that in Haiti nothing is on the fast track. it’s so hard for us to understand how the president of a country could have so many more important things to do than add his signature to a file that will give a child a forever family (this is our hold up right now…btw, the president has never withheld signing a dispensation, he just has to take the time to actually sit down and add his signature to the many files of children waiting, that’s it). you can probably hear a little frustration in my tone. yeah, i’m a little peeved at the process but this is the road we were led to. and God knew how long adoptions take in haiti, and He keeps teaching us so much and opening our hearts to Him. I have come to understand, even though it is hard to admit, that right at this moment I’m not yet the mama beaux needs. i have more to learn and God is refining me (us) and when we get that call that we have a VISA appointment in haiti it will be the right time. i trust God enough to know that (and there will be major celebrating here in tennessee).
so, until that call comes I keep searching and learning everything I can about God, and parenting, and the world, and life. and I keep counting down to our next visit.
33 more days….
I work at a high school and have the privilege of sharing time with about 20 seniors as they help in the guidance office each day. This year’s office aides are extra special to me. They ask me about Beaux and how the adoption is going. And they wonder if they will be in town when we get to bring him home, or if they will be away at college. I hope the idea of adopting has been planted in their minds. I hope sometime down the road they will consider adopting and think back to their senior year when crazy Ms. Davis talked all the time about her adorable little boy who was in Haiti waiting to come home to her. One of my sweet girls, Kristen, painted this canvas and gave it to me this morning… on Valentine’s Day. I absolutely love it and I gotta tell you, I AM quite smitten with my little Beaux. He truly has stolen my heart.
We finally got our Christmas tree put up and decorated yesterday. Usually, this is a tradition that we enjoy the day after Thanksgiving every year. Usually, I want so badly to get that tree down from the attic and put it up as soon as I hear Jingle Bells playing in Hob Lob the day after Labor Day. Usually, Joey has to put his foot down and demand that we enjoy Thanksgiving completely before moving on to the next event of the season. But this year everything seems to be a little different. I’m different.
I got this ornament yesterday at a crafts fair – it’s the outline of Haiti with a heart in the center. I loved the tag that was on the ornament as much as the ornament itself, so I hung them both on the tree. This pretty much sums up what I’m feeling lately. I’m here…but my heart is in Haiti. I feel like I’m missing a part of myself. And I am. Even though Beaux hasn’t officially been declared my son, I know in my heart that he is. And I miss him. And I wish he was here with us.
I have a friend I met online who is adopting an adorable little girl from the same orphanage we are. They are at the very end of this “forever” process of adoption and will be leaving as soon as they get their visa appointment to go pick her up and bring her home in time for Christmas. I’m so grateful she will be taking a little Christmas gift to Beaux for us. It’s just a small little car and a card with a picture of us. I managed to put together a couple of sentences in Creole. Hopefully his nanny will be able to read it to him. The card says:
You are precious. We love you.
Mama Blanch & Papa Blanch
We love you, Beaux!
I found a little gift this morning and oh, how it made me smile.
It’s been a stressful week for me. It was a long week at work. I constantly followed Hurricane Sandy on the weather channel and worried about the devastation that another storm was having on Haiti. I received an unwelcome phone call from my doctor.
BUT, as I lay in bed early this morning I began looking through some pictures I had taken of Beau on my cell phone. I came across a video of him smiling and playing in the orphanage courtyard…and as I was watching the most amazing thing happened…I heard him SPEAK. Now, I only heard him speak 2 or 3 times during the whole 3 days we were with him. Just a few words each time. How did I not know that I got that little gift on video? I have no idea what 3 little words he said but hearing those 3 little words in Haitian Creole made my whole world turn right side up. I am so thankful for hearing and seeing that video this morning.
A picture Beau so carefully colored proudly hangs on our refrigerator. I love having refrigerator art again!
We arrived home from Haiti exactly 14 days ago after meeting Beau (yes, I’m trying out a different spelling of his name) for the first time. In my last post I talked a little about how hard it was to leave him there. I’m not sure what we were expecting…. but it wasn’t that we would be heart-broken, sobbing, depressed for days. I guess I just thought once we got him home we would really fall in love with him. But somehow when we met that little guy our hearts instantly grew (just like the Grinch!) and we loved him, and he was our son. That made leaving him there painful, like we left a chunk of our heart there. I don’t think it was necessarily hard on him, at least I hope not. All he understands is that he has a white man and woman who visited him and brought him gifts and made him feel special. And that’s okay with me. It would totally break my heart to think of him over in Haiti missing us as much as we miss him. When we got back home it was a little uncomfortable. We just tried our best to get back into our normal routine and return to life as we knew it. But that chunk of my heart that is missing seems to leave me with a constant lump in my throat.
I’m missing you an extra heart full today, Beau.