that today is Birthmothers Day? 18 months ago I had never heard of this special day but now that adoption is such a part of our lives I can feel it really tugging at my heart.
I’ve spent a lot of time lately thinking about the mother who gave birth to Beaux. I wonder how old she is/was? What does she look like? Does she share the same big coconut eyes that Beaux has? I also think about the circumstances that led my little brown eyed boy to his current living situation… Maybe she already had 7 little mouths to feed and another one was just too much to provide for? Maybe she was injured or killed in the earthquake? Maybe she died from disease? ….Maybe?
I used to be so scared at the thought of having a relationship with Beaux’s birth mom. I thought about it being awkward and uncomfortable…(thinking it’s all about me). But the further along we get in this adoption process the more I wish I could meet her. I would love to tell her THANK YOU for giving life to such an awesome little guy. I would tell her how much joy he brings to our life even though we don’t even have him home with us yet. I would sit down, with her hand in mine, and listen to her story of desperation and sorrow and cry right along side of her. I would tell her she is the bravest woman I know. And I would tell her how much God loves her.
I’ll probably never meet my boy’s birth mom this side of heaven, but I pray that God will send her a sign to let her know that her boy is safe and loved more than these two older parents knew they could love.
and I just had to share….
“When you say YES to adoption, you are saying YES to enter the suffering of the orphan, and that suffering includes WAITING FOR YOU TO GET TO THEM. I promise you, their suffering is worse than yours. We say YES to the tears, YES to the longing, YES to the maddening process, YES to the money, YES to hope, YES to the screaming frustration of it all, YES to going the distance through every unforeseen discouragement and delay. Do not imagine that something outside of “your perfect plan” means you heard God wrong. There is NO perfect adoption. EVERY adoption has snags. We Americans invented the “show me a sign” or “this is a sign” or “this must mean God is closing a door” or “God must not be in this because it is hard,” but all that is garbage. You know what’s hard? Being an orphan. They need us to be champions and heroes for them, fighting like hell to get them home. So we will. We may cry and rage and scream and wail in the process, but get them home we will.” –Jen Hatmaker
I love that Jen Hatmaker
I’m fighting to get my little guy home.
I don’t think learnt is actually a word. But it should be. This is what I have learnt in the last 2 weeks:
1. Beaux Morino is precious.
Of course I already knew this but I learnt it on a deeper level on our trip to Haiti earlier this month. He is just precious and I love him with all my heart. I love each of my kiddos in different ways and Beaux is no exception. He is smart, kind, and compassionate. You might wonder how I could know that being that we don’t speak the same language. But he has shown me each of those characteristics each time we have visited him. So, yeah, he’s pretty great. J Beaux is also all boy. He loves to kick balls, and stomp on bugs, and get dirty. He reminds me a lot of my other son, Adam. I’m so looking forward to the day when my two boys can meet each other.
2. Sometimes ministry looks like this.
I learnt that sometimes being the hands and feet of Jesus means you get the chance to have a visitor stay at your house for a week. He’s adorable and has really settled in with us. He loves playing with my doggie kiddos although I don’t think they understand the kind of ministry they are supposed to be doing. They are not being hospitable at all. I think they are stuck up…
or too old….
no, they’re stuck up.
3. Our timing is not God’s timing.
The last time I posted I was grumpy and confused…sorry about it being such a downer. But, when you want to do something big and an organization gives you a deadline of Friday at 5:00 to get this something big, you tend to take them seriously. I know I’m talking in code, but I can’t reveal this big thing yet because it’s still in the works. We are collaborating with God on a big project (I love the thought of that). The deadline went by leaving us disappointed and confused. But this project has taken root in our hearts and our God is a big God and He knew that Friday @ 5:00 wasn’t the real deadline. So we are moving forward with anticipation of how this will all play out. I’m really, really hoping to make a big announcement by the end of the week. But I learnt God’s timing is not our timing so I might not be able to make a big announcement by the end of the week. It’s all in His hands. J
That’s what’s been going on in my world lately. What have you learnt this week?
Have you ever felt like God was calling you to do something big and scary? And everything around you points to following God and having faith that this is His plan. So you decide to do this big scary thing. You take a deep breath, pray, pray, pray, and take a leap into the uncertainty. You do it. You really do it…and you’re excited to see how God works in this, the scariest situation you have ever had the courage to do.
But then, you come to a major road block. And God is telling you to wait. Now, instead of that Holy Spirit voice deep down inside you saying “Follow Me” it’s saying “Wait on Me”.
Why does He do this?
It’s frustrating…(can I say that?)
Because I’m ready to go forward with this. I’m ready to trust that His plan is perfect. And even though it’s scary and not anything I would have planned I’m ready to see Him show up in all of this.
It’s now been a few days since I first found out we were at a standstill. I’ve had time to process a little and grieve a lot. I’m not sure where we are headed. But I have decided that I still believe that God has his hand on the situation. I still believe that God has a perfect plan.
I still believe.
Have you ever been called by God to do something scary , then He told you to wait?
Share your thoughts…
Disclaimer: This is not a post about our precious little Beaux in Haiti. We are leaving on Friday to go for another visit with him. I can’t wait to see see him and share our experience with you next week. Please join us in praying that the adoption process there would move smoothly and quickly.
This is what I read this morning in my favorite devotional, Jesus Calling. If you don’t have that book or app please get one for yourself . It’s really that amazing. Jesus Calling March 11 Walk by faith, not by sight. As you take steps of faith, depending on Me, I will show you how much I can do for you. If you live your life too safely, you will never know the thrill of seeing Me work through you. When I gave you My Spirit, I empowered you to live beyond your natural ability and strength. That’s why it is so wrong to measure your energy level against the challenges ahead of you. The issue is not your strength but Mine, which is limitless. By walking close to Me, you can accomplish My purposes in My strength. For we walk by faith, not by sight. -2 Corinthians 5:7 nkjv Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. -Galatians 5:25 This adoption journey we have been on for the last year has been all about faith. And we have learned to recognize God’s voice and let Him lead us on the path He has already prepared for us. At times it has been uncomfortable and other times we have experienced abounding joy. We are so very thankful to Him for setting us on this path. And we will continue to walk close with God no matter where He leads us in the future.
…until our next visit with Beaux :-) we sure do miss that little guy. this whole adoption experience has been one surprise after another, starting with the idea that God had this little guy in our futures. Beaux has become such an intimate part of our everyday even though he is physically over 1700 miles away from us. we think about him, pray for him, hope he’s safe and happy. when we’re out and about we’re always looking for things…clothing, toys, even food (shhh, don’t tell Joey), that we think he might like. he is such a part of us. everyday. he is our child. and we miss him so much.
i have come to understand that haitian adoptions are a rollercoaster ride. one day a new law is passed and you think “hallelujah” let’s get this process on the fast track. then weeks go by and you realize (again) that in Haiti nothing is on the fast track. it’s so hard for us to understand how the president of a country could have so many more important things to do than add his signature to a file that will give a child a forever family (this is our hold up right now…btw, the president has never withheld signing a dispensation, he just has to take the time to actually sit down and add his signature to the many files of children waiting, that’s it). you can probably hear a little frustration in my tone. yeah, i’m a little peeved at the process but this is the road we were led to. and God knew how long adoptions take in haiti, and He keeps teaching us so much and opening our hearts to Him. I have come to understand, even though it is hard to admit, that right at this moment I’m not yet the mama beaux needs. i have more to learn and God is refining me (us) and when we get that call that we have a VISA appointment in haiti it will be the right time. i trust God enough to know that (and there will be major celebrating here in tennessee).
so, until that call comes I keep searching and learning everything I can about God, and parenting, and the world, and life. and I keep counting down to our next visit.
33 more days….