How Our Adult Children Reacted to Our Adoption Choice

Last April, as we sat in our family room and told our adult children that we were adopting a little boy, their reactions were as varied as their personalities:

Our oldest child is Amie.  She’s 28 years old and has a beautiful nine-year old daughter, Lillie.  When we told Amie, she calmly thought about it and pondered how this would change the family.  She needs time to process things and decide what the impact will be.  But once she decided it would be awesome to have a new little brother she was all in!  And I mean ALL IN!  (She thinks she’s adopting Beaux too.)

Adam is our middle child and the only boy.  He’s 25 years old and married to Nikki.  When we first told them about adopting Nikki was immediately excited, and I so appreciated that.  Adam was quiet.  He asked why we would want to bring another child into our family when we finally have an empty nest (it’s a legitimate question).  Adam doesn’t like change.  He likes things to stay predictable and comfortable.  I thought he needed time to contemplate how this might affect him. I thought he might need to process issues related to family order…at the age of 25 will it still be upsetting to not be the only boy child?…(yeah, I really did think about that).  It’s not that he has been against us adopting…he’s just been quiet.  Then, last Sunday, as the whole family was gathered watching the football game in our family room, Adam asked us what “would happen to Beaux if we were killed in an accident.   Did we have a plan in case something happened?  He and Nikki had talked about it and would like to be Beaux’s guardians if anything ever happens to us.”  (Then Amie and Christian & Cedric chimed in that they want Beaux if anything ever happens to us and a little sibling fight ensued).  Yes, we have a plan,  just like we did when he and his sisters were little.  But, oh how that touched my heart.  Adam is quiet…but he’s always thinking and preparing.  I see his heart growing.  And right about the time we are able to bring Beaux home Adam will be ready to welcome him with his whole heart.

Christian is was our baby.  She’s 23, married to Cedric and has the most adorable 10 month old son, Judah.  Before we told Christian and Cedric we were going to adopt I pretty much knew what their reaction would be…YES…THAT’S AWESOME…I WANT A LITTLE BROTHER…CAN WE GO GET HIM RIGHT NOW!  Christian has always seemed to be able to see the good through the uncomfortable.  She didn’t have any reservations about not being the baby anymore or about us adopting a child of another race.  I love that about her.

Last Thursday I forwarded my girls the email I had gotten saying WE MADE IT into IBESR by the deadline and now had a number.  Both girls responded with “So Beaux is really ours?”   Yes, Beaux is ours.  He’s joining a big family.  When he comes home to us he will instantly have a mommy and daddy, 2 sisters, 1 brother, a sister-in-law, 1  brother-in-law (possibly 2 by then), a niece and a nephew.  Just typing that out helps me to understand how overwhelming this is going to be for him.  He’s joining a family that can’t wait to teach him how to wake board, and ride on four wheelers, and watch football, and swim, and play with the chickens and the dogs, and work in the garden, and play basketball, and do crafts, and sing and play the guitar.  He’s joining a family that can’t wait to share life with him.

My Election Thoughts

I must admit, I was a briefly depressed after the election.  Yes, I identify more with the Republicans and it didn’t go the way I had voted.  I don’t have an explanation for that other than our country is changing.  I work with a lot of democrats (teachers) and they really do believe that we are better off than we were 4 years ago.  We clearly see things differently.   But I’ve been thinking about where I stand politically and, quite frankly, have been feeling like I’m missing something.  I came across this blog post yesterday and it articulates what I’ve been wrestling with for the last few months so much better than I ever could, please read it.  Somehow, we as Christians have to stop putting politics above what God has commanded us to do:

LOVE your neighbor…

Even if they voted for the other guy.

Even if they can’t find a job and they are forced into receiving government assistance.

Even if they choose not to find a job and live on government assistance.

Even if they have a different view about homosexuality or if they have AIDS or they’ve had an abortion.

Even if they don’t believe in God. 

 

We are to take care of the hurting, the poor, the widows, the orphans, the neglected, the outcasts.

 

Respect and compassion…that’s what changes the world.

 

I’m actually quite hopeful, now.  I am allowing God to change me.  And somehow the things that I used to find myself getting all stressed out about because “I know I’m right and you’re wrong and I’m going to make sure you know it”, those things don’t seem quite as important anymore.  It feels good to let that angry-ness go. 

 

I don’t know what is in store for America over the next 4 years.  But I know that God works all things to the good of those that love Him.  And I will put my trust in Him…not in the politicians of either party.

Randomness

***It’s Orphan Sunday. 

*** It was a good week in our adoption process.  Our dossier was submitted into IBESR and we have a number….#20936…yay!  Our agency and the creche’ director worked very hard to get it in by the October 31st deadline, before some new adoption laws take effect.  As of 2:30 pm on that day, this still had not been accomplished.  But we got an email on Nov 1 telling us WE MADE IT!   The new law states that the agencies will no longer match children with adoptive parents, the government is taking that over.  So, hypothetically, if we had not met the deadline we may have not been able stay matched with Beaux.  I tried very hard not to think about the reality of this situation and felt like God still has control of this whole adoption thing and He would take care of it…and He did 🙂

***I just watched the Tennessee Titans lose so embarrassingly bad…51-20.        Ummmm, yeah.

***Did you notice I’m trying out another new spelling of our son’s name? Beaux  My daughter’s boyfriend mentioned it and I think I like it.  It’s different enough to be different, but not enough to be weird and make him feel uncomfortable.  What’s your opinion?  I did Google it to make sure it didn’t mean anything inappropriate (you never know) and it is actually a small town in the south of France….which I think is kind of cool.  So, we’re just trying it out for a week to see if we like it.  (All of these tough decisions give Joey and I lot’s to argue over discuss and … It helps to pass the long waiting time 🙂

***This has been the prettiest fall season I can ever remember.  Every morning, as I sit down to a wonderful breakfast that my husband has just prepared (yep, that’s right girls) I look out the window into our back yard and I admire the totally gorgeous autumn goodness that is still on the tress.  Usually by this time, here in Middle Tennessee, our leaves have already peaked and they are brown and dead, blowing around on the wet ground.  But this year it’s been mild, just the right amount of rain and it’s been wonderful.  I love that God was so creative and gave us the different seasons to enjoy.

***Yesterday I finished reading Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy…all 597 pages. Wow, it’s a fantastic book. I learned so much and I’m kind of sad it’s over. From one Goodreads reader:
“Yesterday, I finished reading “Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy” by Eric Metaxas.    Yesterday, I lost a friend who I won’t meet until eternity.”

That’s how I feel too…”Dietrich, I look forward to meeting you some day.”

***Since starting on this adoption journey 6 months ago I have been to every adoption website there is. Sometimes on these websites children with special needs are highlighted in hopes of finding the perfect parents who are able to take care of the various needs of that child. One little boy that I learned about early on was Manno. Joey and I actually had conversations about whether we could give Manno everything that he would need. We decided that we were not the right family for him. This afternoon I went to the Give1Save1Caribbean site to see who the new featured family of the week is and guess what? Manno has a mommy and 2 brothers who are waiting to bring him home. I’m overjoyed to find out that this adorable little boy has a family. Please go to Give1Save1Caribbean and donate a few bucks to help bring him home. Thanks!

***Tomorrow is election day…Yay!  I’m looking forward to all of this being over.  I hope you will make it a priority to Vote.

Well, that’s all of my randomness for now. Thanks for reading,
Laura